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fter enduring physical and financial abuse, manipulation, and control, I was referred to The Haven. My abuser, who was also the father of my four children, raped and sexually assaulted me. Encouraged to report the rape, my case was transferred to Birmingham, where the incident occurred.
I fell into a deep depression and lost my sense of self-worth due to the abuse I suffered. Struggling mentally with the rape, I moved out, leaving my children with their father. He then cut off all contact between me and my kids.
An independent sexual violence advisor from The Haven supported me in court as I sought a child arrangement order. My children were placed on a child protection plan. Although their father initially agreed to the order through his solicitors, it never materialized. He claimed I was unfit due to my mental health issues and ceased all communication with me.
To see my youngest child, I was forced to attend a contact centre. My abuser had manipulated my older children against me. Feeling let down by social services and the court system, I believed they didn’t consider my mental health or my abuser’s control over our kids.
Over the past 12 months, I’ve spent over a thousand pounds in legal and court fees, just to see my youngest child. Despite a court order being in place, this still hasn’t happened. Additionally, the ongoing rape case has left me feeling let down by the police. I’ve lost trust in the agencies meant to protect me.
Since coming to The Haven, I’ve been working with an independent sexual violence advisor. The Freedom Programme, designed for domestic abuse victims, proved too emotionally draining for me to complete.
I now recognise how my abuser isolated and controlled me, then weaponised my mental health to keep my children away. I was so isolated that I didn’t know there were services available to support me.
In the hopes of raising awareness and sparking change, I will be sharing my story with the Houses of Parliament.
Amanda’s name has been changed to protect her identity. Images are for illustration purposes only.
