"Louise" - My name is Louise and I am 36 years old. I met David in 1995. At that time everything was wonderful and eventually we moved in together in February 1996. David controlled all our household bills, which I was happy about. However, over time he was becoming more and more controlling and abusive. He then explained that he needed all of my wages to help pay towards the running of the house. I soon began to realise that I had lost all control of my own finances. When I asked for some money, he would be quite reluctant to give me any. I would have to explain why and what I needed it for. That would then cause arguments and he would get very angry and tell me to leave the house. I would walk around aimlessly until I felt that it was ok to go back home, knowing that he would have calmed down a little and would let me back in. If I needed money to buy a present for a family member on a special occasion he would get very irate saying we had bills to pay but yet I couldn’t understand why he could afford to buy presents for his own family.

In April 1996, I became very depressed and began taking anti depressants prescribed by my doctor. Things seemed out of control and I didn’t know why. I took an overdose of my medication as I felt so alone and didn’t know there was anyone to help. I went to hospital and spent a few days there. When I came home, David had convinced me that his behaviour was due to our debts that had mounted up since we had been together so in a way, I felt responsible for the way he was reacting to different situations. I spoke to my father about our debts and he helped pay a lot of them off which in turn helped our relationship. I then felt it must have been all the worry of our debts on his mind. When things got better, we decided to get married in June 1996. Things improved for a short time.

David had always drank ever since I’d known him but his drinking seemed to be getting out of control and he was going out almost on a nightly basis, drinking very heavily, he seemed quite dependant on alcohol. When he drank he got angry and would pick arguments with me frequently. I was working 50-60 hours a week to help pay for the bills but then he would complain that I worked too much and that the house was always too untidy. He would go out drinking and insist that I went too. I wasn’t happy about this but it was easier to go to save the arguments. I would then get back and panic about any mess in the house so I would stay up late cleaning but then would have to be up early for work. I felt so exhausted.

The more David drank, the more abusive he became. Eventually the emotional and mental abuse turned to physical abuse. I thought this was because of alcohol but through time he became violent even when sober. I felt so weak, vulnerable and depressed. I had no control over my life anymore.I got pregnant and thought the violence would end but it continued. I felt I had lost all my self-esteem. I told David I was going to leave him on several occasions but he would always say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll change”, and I believed him. I would feel sorry for him and try again. Even though I wanted to go, I thought, “Where could I go? What will I do?”The Violence continued even as our son grew older, going to school etc. On one occasion, my neighbours called the police when they heard David hitting me and I was screaming. The police came and removed David from our house. He still harassed our son and me but I didn’t tell anybody. I tried again, but nothing changed.

In February this year (2006), David assaulted me again but this time I had had enough. The police removed David and I called ‘Women’s Aid’ for help. They helped me to find hostel accommodation with The Haven Wolverhampton. When I arrived at The Haven I was welcomed by staff and shown around. I met other people living at the hostel who had suffered domestic violence and I found it a comfort. There has always been a stigma attached to hostels, within society, so I was quite worried about what I was going to be faced with but I found it the opposite of what I expected. The staff and residents were friendly and I felt safe. The staff helped me fill out any relevant paper work the next day when I had settled in and I was offered counselling also. My Son and I are trying to rebuild our lives now. We have applied for housing and are just waiting for our new home. My son has enjoyed playing with other children in the playroom at the Haven. With the help from the staff, he is now in a new school and loves it!

My key worker at The Haven did a plan with me when I arrived and we are aiming to reach my goals every day. I am a happier person in myself. In the hostel, I have talked to many people who have suffered domestic violence and I have realised that I had lost my identity. Now I am slowly but surely rebuilding my life, self-esteem and confidence, with help from The Haven and my friends, I now can look forward to a brighter future with my son.

Consent has been gained from the individual to publish this story.

The Haven Wolverhampton
June 2006

"Lyn" Lyn had suffered from Domestic Violence for many years. Finally the situation reached its peak when Lyn became fearful for her life and that of her sons. She approached a voluntary organisation in her area asking for their help to escape from the violence. As her life was in danger within her borough, she was referred to The Haven Wolverhampton, which was able to accommodate Lyn and her 12 year old son in one of their supported hostels. A support plan was completed on Lyn’s arrival to assist us in identifying the areas that Lyn and her son needed support:-

• To secure and maintain own tenancy
• To access further education
• To access and secure eligible benefits
• To access Counselling Services for Lyn and her son
• Assist in locating and enrolling Lyn’s son in school.

Lyn was allocated her own Key Worker to assist her with achieving the goals she had set herself, in particular, to build her confidence and to help her re-gain some of the independence and self worth that she had lost through the years of abuse. It was also imperative at this early stage for her son to engage in counselling to help him make sense of everything that had happened, as he witnessed much of the abuse. In turn, it was just as important for Lyn, as the abuse she suffered from left her “broken” and stripped of her natural rights.

Lyn was supported by hostel staff to complete the necessary paperwork to enable her to access her own secure tenancy and benefits. In addition, Lyn was supported to look around the schools in the locality so she could enrol her son and prevent further disruption to his schooling. In the short time that Lyn was in the hostel, she was able to start working through the many issues that come with being a victim of Domestic Violence.After being in the hostel for 3 months, Lyn had secured her own home, our Resettlement Worker assisted Lyn in applying for a Community Care Grant to adequately furnish her home, as she fled with minimal belongings. Lyn was also able to access our donations of furniture and curtains. Through working with Lyn, our Resettlement Worker recognised that Lyn would need further help in establishing social contacts and activities and also support in accessing other services. Floating Support Services started to work with Lyn in achieving the goals that she had set herself. Lyn took steps to access some voluntary work and to look at Community Education opportunities.

Unfortunately, Lyn’s father passed away not long after she secured her tenancy. Lyn found it difficult to cope with his passing, and became very concerned about her mother’s future, as her mother has schizophrenia and her father was her main carer. At this stage, the support offered by the Floating Support Team intensified to help Lyn deal with her bereavement and in dealing with all the necessary arrangements with regards to her mother’s future care. Following the funeral, Lyn made the decision to move her mother in with her and her son and become her carer. This was a difficult time for the family, as this move had thrown up many barriers that Lyn had to go through in order to have this move formalised.

Due to Lyn’s mother moving from one borough to another, her case had to be referred to the local Mental Health Team and also Adult Social Services for assessment. This was done with full support from her Floating Support Worker. Lyn’s Floating Support Worker had to notify her social landlord, as her property is only meant for Lyn and her son. Lyn was advised to apply for a bigger house but felt another move at this time would be too much for her, for her son and most importantly, her mother. This decision was supported by her Floating Support Worker, as the family had already suffered enough unrest and to move house again would have been quite deleterious for the family unit. Fortunately, Lyn was able to turn one of her rooms into a bedroom for her mother. This enabled her mother to access the downstairs toilet facilities, as she was unable to climb the stairs. The Council agreed to this arrangement and Lyn’s mother was finally settled into her daughter’s home.

Just as things started to settle down for Lyn, her son was suspended from school for his behaviour. Lyn believes that it was only a matter of time before this happened, as her son had witnessed much of the Domestic Violence and had also been deeply affected by the death of his grand-father. Lyn’s Floating Support Worker was on hand to provide the much needed emotional support, as Lyn became seriously concerned for her son’s future education opportunities. After the suspension from school, Lyn’s son got into trouble with the police. As a result of this, he was brought to the attention of the Youth Offending Team, who enrolled him on a 6 week Anger Management Course. This proved to be a positive for her son, as he has since completed his course and addressed his own behaviour. He has since had counselling through his school and has also been allocated a One-To-One Mentor. Overall, due to this input from the Youth Offending Team and the One-To-One Mentor, Lyn’s son has settled into his school work and maintained a positive outlook regarding his schooling and his future.

Lyn is now very independent within her community and has a Carer coming in to see her mother on a regular basis to allow Lyn some time to herself. Lyn has enrolled on a course at one of the local community learning centres and volunteers for a local charity organisation. Lyn still continues to access her Floating Support Worker and speaks very highly of the support that she has received through The Haven Wolverhampton; in Lyn’s own words, the Haven has been a life changing experience for her, as she has been supported to achieve her dreams and aspirations that otherwise would have been denied were she still in the Domestic Violence environment.

Permission to publish this case study was granted by the service users. Consent has been gained from the individual to publish this story.

The Haven Wolverhampton
January 2007