About Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence?
The Haven Wolverhampton believes Domestic Violence is a violation of the human rights of women and children. It is the abuse of power and control which is rarely a one-off incident. Domestic Violence is a pattern of controlling behaviours whereby the abuser seeks power over their partner or family member.

Domestic Violence occurs across all of society regardless of age, ability, class, culture, economic status, ethnicity or lifestyle. Domestic Violence can also occur in a range of relationships including heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender relationships and in the extended family.

Domestic violence is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimised, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

Domestic Violence can be perpetrated by an intimate partner (Husband/Wife/Boyfriend/Girlfriend) as well as members of the immediate and extended family. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognise yourself or someone you know as being a victim of Domestic Violence don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

What does Domestic Violence look like?
Domestic Violence can take on many forms including:

Domestic Violence is a severe form of abuse even when the incidents of physical abuse seem minor, have only occurred once or twice within the relationship, or even when there has not been any physical violence. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so.

Who is affected by Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence can affect anybody, regardless of their age, ability, class, culture, economic status, ethnicity, lifestyle or sexuality.

While both men and women may experience Domestic Violence women are considerably more likely to experience repeated and severe forms of violence (Women’s Aid 2007). It is estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will experience Domestic Violence throughout their lifetime – however incidents of Domestic Violence continue to be grossly underreported.

The Haven’s information and support services exist to support the needs of women and dependent children up to the age 16 who are affected by Domestic Violence and Homelessness. The Haven recognises that Domestic Violence does also occur in male gay relationships and by women against men. The Haven does not condone any form of abuse and believes everyone has the right to live a life without fear of violence.

For information on male Domestic Violence support services please click here

What causes Domestic Violence?
Whilst many victims feel they are to blame it is a common misunderstanding to assume that incidents of Domestic Violence are provoked or occur as the result of an irrational response to a turn of events. Those who perpetrate Domestic Violence choose to behave violently in order to gain control. Incidents of Domestic Violence are planned and premeditated.

Responsibility for Domestic Violence lies solely with the perpetrator. Domestic Violence is intentional and forms part of learned behaviour. Perpetrators frequently avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour by blaming another person, minimising their behavoiur or denying the violence took place.

Domestic violence is about gaining control. Perpetrators are careful about when, where and to whom they are abusive and show awareness and knowledge about their actions as opposed to operating in an irrational mind set.

Is there are link between Domestic Violence and Alcohol/Drug consumption?
Consuming alcohol or taking drugs does not cause Domestic Violence.  There are many people who drink too much or take drugs who do not abuse their partners or family members. Also many people suffer Domestic Violence when the abuser is not under the influence of drink or drugs at all. Abusers who use (or misuse) such substances use this as an excuse to justify their actions. Simply saying they were drunk or don’t remember does not take away their responsibility for their actions.
Those on the receiving end of Domestic Violence may turn to alcohol or drugs as a way of escaping from the violence. This can then be used by the perpetrator as an excuse for their violence, claiming they have been provoked by their partner’s addiction.

Is there a link between Domestic Violence and Mental Illness?
“The vast majority of people with mental health problems do not abuse other people.” (Women’s Aid 2006)

If an abuser is careful about when, where and to whom they are abusive they demonstrate sufficient awareness and understanding to know what behaviour is and isn’t acceptable.

If an abuser displays random and upredictable behaviour and is abusive towards strangers as well as people they know, i.e. in a public setting, mental illness may be a possibility.

Mental health issues are more likely to result from experiencing Domestic Violence rather than it being a cause. Women who have experienced Domestic Violence display higher rates of mental illness – ‘64% experience post traumatic stress disorder, 48% have depression and 18% attempt or commit suicide’ (Women’s Aid 2006).

Why doesn’t she just leave?
There is no single answer to this question. Domestic Violence does not just occur out of the blue, the victim is controlled and over time will become increasingly dependent on their abuser, both emotionally and financially, making it difficult to make sense of the situation they find themselves in.

For those women who have had networks and ties to friends, work and family broken, they feel they have nowhere to turn when it comes to leaving an abusive relationship.

Victims of Domestic Violence hope that the abuse will end. Many women believe that the person they love will change. For those families in which children are present, it becomes increasingly hard to end a relationship for fear of disrupting the family unit, upsetting the children and facing the stigma of being a single parent.

Over time, a womans self esteem is worn down. She will start to believe the insults and criticism from her abuser are true. She may feel ashamed about what has happened or believe that it is her fault. She may be scared of the future (where she will go, what she will do for money, whether she will have to hide forever and what will happen to the children).

Many women feel that they are completely alone in their experiences and do not know where to turn or who to talk to. The resources and support needed to leave an abusive relationship safely include help with finances, housing, travel, transport, protection from the Police, legal support and importantly ongoing emotional support. If a woman is unsure as to whether any of these options are available to her, it can delay or event prevent her from leaving the relationship.

Leaving an abusive relationship takes a huge amount of strength. Over 76% of severe or fatal physical violence occurs at the point when the woman is leaving or has left the relationship, therefore it is important to sure that the woman ensures her safety, plus that of her children, are put first.

Women need to know that if and when the time comes that they choose to speak out, they will be listened to and taken seriously. At The Haven we empower women to make their own choices, providing them with information of what support is available to them, should they choose to take it.

Children and Domestic Violence
Home Office figures from 2009 suggest that in 90% of Domestic Violence children were present in the same or next room. Children can be directly or indirectly affected by Domestic Violence and often find themselves as victims growing up amidst abuse with can lead to a multitude of social and physical problems.
Constant exposure to violence in the home and abusive role models teaches children that violence is a normal way of life. This then places children at risk of becoming society’s next generation of victims and abusers.
Most children will be affected by witnessing arguments, distressing behaviour or assaults – even if they do not always show this. They may feel that they are to blame – or – feel angry, insecure, alone, frightened, powerless and confused.
The effects of Domestic Violence on children include:

Violence may also interfere with a child’s social relationships – they may feel unable to invite friends round (or may be prevented from doing so by the abuser) out of shame, fear, or concern about what their friends may see. There can be an impact on school attendance and achievement, some children will stay at home in an attempt to protect their mother, or because they are frightened what may happen if they go out.